As the 21st century’s greatest poet, dril once said:
“im not owned! im not owned!!”, i continue to insist as i slowly shrink and transform into a corn cob
At this point Mark Zuckerberg has completed his metamorphosis and is in full cob mode. It was widely reported that Zuck took a nap during a Brazilian Ju Jitsu tournament in California last month, when he was choked out by an engineer from Uber. The referee reportedly called the fight after hearing Zuckerberg snoring on the mat, which tends to be a universal sign someone is asleep. There’s really no shame in this. Everyone hates to lose, sure, but this was an amateur MMA tournament — and losing is just part of the game. It’s also awesome that he’s trying the sport and getting something out of it.
The issue is: Rich people hate to lose. Billionaires really hate to lose. The richest people in the world, they just like to pretend the loss never happened.
That’s where we are with Zuckerberg right now, who is on an all-out media blitz to try and convince the world he never got choked out. This came in response to a New York Times article on Friday, which discussed the Facebook CEO’s workout regimen, with only a passing reference to Zuck passing out — but this still got his ire.
Zuckerberg’s BJJ coach reached out to the Times as soon as the piece published, insisting the referee “got it wrong,” and that the official even apologized for calling the match early. Meanwhile the Zuck account of the incident is that his “snoring” was actually “effortful grunting.”
Firstly: lol
Secondly: I never want to think of Mark Zuckerberg and “effortful grunting” as a single thought
This has kept going though. When The Daily Beast asked about the fight the Zuck camp was on a full court press to ensure the world is told that Zuckerberg absolutely did not get choked out.
“At no point during the competition was Mark knocked unconscious,” Elana Widmann, a spokesperson for Meta, said in an email to The Daily Beast. “That never happened.”
Methinks the tech billionaire doth protest too much.